Great day

Yesterday I thought I had the day to myself. I ended up with half a day to myself and it was really great.

Andrea and I met at the bookstore, where we discussed being disgruntled lapsed Catholics who need something to believe in. We perused the New Age, Christianity and Self Help sections. We each chose some books that might give us direction, or at least provide some options. I seemed to subconsciously veer away from the Christianity aisle, and I shied away from books that had too many mentions of God and prayer in them. I also avoided the books that stressed the ‘self’ and inward direction. I ended up being interested the most in outwardly-directed action, being present, and giving and forgiving. That’s not a religion, I know. But those tenets seem to be the basis of a loving, kind spirituality that has its foundation in a loving, kind, higher intelligence. So now I have some reading to do.

After the bookstore, we had a great long talky lunch at Houlihan’s. Wonderful food – ate too much. And the chance to just talk and relax with a friend was really priceless. The next time I hesitate to schedule time or make effort to give myself some friend time, I will remember how much fun I had with Andrea yesterday. Although my family are my friends, I do have a need for outside relationships. Now I know.

I picked Owen up after lunch so his momma could nap and rest for the afternoon. We bought some new tree garland and decorations, then came home to make eclair cakes. We also decorated the house for Koby’s birthday. Ryan was over, and he, Declan and Owen had major nerf gun fights in the basement. They all came up for dinner sweaty and red-faced. No major injuries, thank goodness.

After dinner, Koby and Caitlyn and some friends were supposed to come over for birthday cake. Unfortunately, Koby had so much fun drinking birthday shots with his work friends, Caitlyn had to take him home to puke and pass out. I was thankful he didn’t come over after hearing that. So the family party will be tonight.

Today, I will bake some applesauce cakes, one of which I will bring to work for my friend Marilyn’s birthday. Then I will put the second coat of purple paint on the downstairs bathroom. It looks so nice – just a smoky purple. The brown towels will really tie it all together.

After school, Decky and I will go to Best Buy for some drum pads, which he tells me will extend the life of his drum set. We may browse for Christmas gifts, too.

Tonight, Koby, Caitlyn, Owen, Dani, Tommy and Miles, and maybe Ryan (and whomever else shows up) will come over to enjoy cake and fun. The only thing missing will be Bill. He comes home very late tonight. I’m missing the heck out of him and I can’t wait to see him.

The deck guys are working on the stairs today. After everything is framed (hopefully today), we can call for our second inspection. Then the way will be clear for finishing the rest of the deck. We are all really looking forward to having Fire Night on the new deck soon!

Have a great day!

Good life

I am so missing Bill. He’s in Milwaukee until late tomorrow night. He also broke his cellphone, so I can’t talk to him unless he calls me on someone else’s phone. I feel like I have no one to talk to. And I can’t work, because there aren’t any workable hours available for me. So I’m lonely.

Also, the dogs won’t poop unless I walk them to the end of the subdivision. In the 22 degree cold at 0655 this morning. In my jammies.

The deck is really coming along. It makes me feel good to see the pride in the deck guy’s eyes and demeanor when we talk about how it’s going. It was hard for me to be patient with the long and meticulous prep work, but I feel better now.

It’s Koby’s birthday today. He’s 24 years old. I couldn’t love him more if I gave birth to him myself. He brings joy to my daughter and to the entire family. I love him. Owen and I will be making him eclair cakes today. Yes, that was plural. We don’t mess around.

Since I can’t work, I made plans to go to the bookstore and out to lunch with my girlfriend Andrea. Friends seem to be at the bottom of my priority list, so I made an extra effort to get some face time with Andrea today. I am really looking forward to it.

I want to decorate. Not just for Christmas, but in general. I want ropes of tiny clear light bulbs somewhere inside my house. I have to figure out where and how to get them.

Got to get ready for my girl-date. TTYL.

What’s goin’ on

The guys finally came out to work on the deck again today. They still don’t have the posts up, but they put in four solid hours of work, so something must be going on. I bought white Christmas lights to illuminate my deck railings, so they better hurry the heck up.

Bill, Decky, Owen, Koby and I went to Miles’ birthday party today. It was held at PowerPlay, which is essentially a casino for kids. We had a great time, and my hearing is just about back to normal.

Owen is sleeping over tonight. We ate Chinese, played with rocks, watched Dinosaur train and made cookies. Booboo will make big breakfast in the morning. Owen’s already ordered pancakes.

Since it’ll be too windy and chilly to golf tomorrow , we’ll be taking a long nature walk. Maybe we’ll try Shawnee Mission Park, they have lots of cool trails there.

I only have to work one day this week (unless something pops up), because Bill’s going out of town Wednesday to Friday night. And since Michela’s going to Washington Thursday, hopefully Ryan and Deja will come hang out with us a little bit.

I’m watching House MD on Hulu. I had forgotten how great this show is.

See how boring my life is? Now the gap between entries makes sense, doesn’t it?

Anniversary

I really didn’t know what I was doing when I married Bill.

I was young, I was pregnant, I was divorced with a small child, I had bad credit. I was attracted to him when we met. I thought he looked like a fun guy with a lot of money. I was half right.

I knew very soon that he was special, different. He had a confidence I had never seen before. I liked him and I wanted to be around him. We had fun together.

Before I left my first husband, I had lived according to the rules. I put aside thought and feeling and did what I thought I was supposed to do how I was supposed to do it. But something changed inside me. I suddenly realized that I didn’t want my daughter to grow up thinking she had to be unhappy. I decided life was too short for me and too long for her, and I left. I had no plan but to leave. I did it, and I was scared to death. And also the happiest I had ever been. I was free.

I started to live by my gut. I acted upon my feelings, trusting that things would fall into place. When I met Bill, I had no plan. I was just out to have some fun after being miserable for so long. But soon I knew that I could never be without him. I trusted my gut and rode out the rough times, sure that things would work out and we would be together and happy. I’m so glad I did.

We have been married twenty-four years today. Bill has changed in so many ways, but he still remains the funny, confident, handsome, intelligent, sensitive, goofy boy I fell in love with twenty-six years ago. Though I know him so well, he still surprises me.

I am a lucky girl. After so many years, I am still deeply in love with my husband. And I am happy.

Thank you, Bill.

Baby steps

Every so often, I get back on the exercise wagon. It’s so much harder than falling off, believe me. But I seem to have a pattern. Six weeks of productive workouts, noticeable changes, elevated mood and proper nutrition, then I get bored and peter out until I quit.

After a couple of months, I do it again. But it always takes me a while to get off the couch. I seem to get back to exercise in baby steps:

1. I get disgusted with my weight, and how I look and feel.
2. I start thinking I should get back to exercising again.
3. My mind starts to focus on what activity I’d like to do.
4. I subconsciously figure out when I can fit this activity into my schedule.
5. I give myself alternatives to that activity, in case of rain, or babysitting, or whatever.
6. I gather my materials: yoga mat, running shoes, etc. Knock off the dust and make sure nothing has been eaten by moths.
7. I start. I don’t tell anyone the first time or two, unless I have some great success.
8. If I can make this activity an easy part of my daily routine, I will keep doing it. If it’s too hard to do it, I just won’t.

It seems I move from the very back of my mind, into my subconscious, then to the forefront of my daily thoughts.

Right now, I am about at Step 4 or 5. I have decided on walking (with possible gradual forays into running as I get stronger), and yoga (probably at home with a Kathy Smith DVD), and maybe some strength training and cardio at the gym. I am a little afraid that the arthritis will make things harder than they’ve been before, but I also know that six weeks of walking will cure me of any hip pain. If it can cure hip pain, maybe it’ll help the toe pain. We’ll see.

Now I just have to find the right time for all this. And find my yoga DVD and buy some cushiony insoles. Eesh.